Love Will Come to You

For a very long time now, since the early months of 1998 (I think that's a long time - 7 years, that...) I've been looking for someone who would fit this song. I think I finally found the person. This one's for nunejr - although she will probably not know why, and when, and how... until perhaps another 7 years later.

It is so apt on so many levels. Partly because now her memories (hers, not mine - too private to share) will surface like many colored dreams in a life that I do not have. And also because this life of mine ultimately wants to thank her for showing me a life, a mind, and a heart that I know I will not otherwise be able to see and experience. Thank one person every day for their existence - because you know everyone else will be blessing their existence for yours.

Indigo Girls - Love Will Come to You

Guess I wasn't the best one to ask
Me myself, with my face pressed up against Love's glass
To see the shiny toy I've been hoping for, the one I never can afford

The wide world spins and spits turmoil
And the nations toil for peace
But the paws of fear upon your chest - only Love can soothe that beast
And my words are paper tigers,
No match for the predator of pain inside her

And I say Love will come to you
Hoping just because I spoke the words that they're true
As if I offered up a crystal ball to look through
Where there's now one, there will be two

I was born under the sign of Cancer
Like brushing cloth, I smooth the wrinkles for an answer
I close my eyes and wish you fine (I'm always closing my eyes, and wishing I'm fine)
Even though I know you're not this time (Even though I'm not this time)

And I say Love will come to you
Hoping just because I spoke the words that they're true
As if I offered up a crystal ball to look through
Where there's now one, there will be two

Dodging your memories, a field of knives
Always on the outside looking in on other's lives

I say Love will come to you
Hoping just because I spoke the words that they're true
As if I offered up a crystal ball to look through
Where there's now one, there will be two

And I wish her insight to battle Love's blindness
Strength from the milk of human kindness
A safe place for all the pieces that shattered
Learn to pretend there's more than Love that matters


It's probably so strange but I know now, in some secret place inside my heart, that this is her song. I just can't figure out who is singing it. Is it me? Or is it the person who lives inside her memories? Somehow, I feel a strange but palpable connection with the Other, there is a bond, there is a sense of deep kindness, and I cannot bring myself to feel either jealous or hatred for the Other. The feeling I feel is the sense of deep love, a kind of love that spans out in the greatness of one's heart for all humanity, the love of the fellow stranger who has once walked down this very same path that I am taking now, whose footsteps has graced the road I now tread. Tread softly, she says, for you tread upon my dreams.

The funny thing is that in some ways, this is a goodbye song. And it has always been. I cannot imagine that perhaps, unknown in ways that nobody can ever understand, it was an act of Love that made her leave, as much as it is was an act of Self. Was she ever great hearted and caring in some aspects? Did she ever hold anyone so dear to her heart that she had ever cut? Would she ever know the image on another's body that she now makes?

I am fascinated by the Other. Almost as though she were a sister (in crime, in passion, in faith) but more than that. I am fascinated how one can come to appreciate so much love, to say the things that I almost said, to love the same person that I now love. I am fascinated so much that I would not take her picture off the wall, because I want to always be constantly reminded that I am living the life she could have almost lived.

I keep thinking one day she will look back and say the same of me.

This conduit, this person, that bonds two total strangers who would not barely meet. Who is she?