Is addiction to pain a product of positivity?

I wish I had people to have such conversations with. I'm not even sure if I'm being (choose one) positive-thinking/fatalistic/optimistic/pessimistic/none of the above, but I realise that amidst all the bad (not exactly horrible) things that happen to me, I feel the pain of things happening to me because they are lessons to learn from. In each of them it seems like there is a latent realisation hidden within, an epiphany that is waiting to be discovered, a breakthrough so amazing in its teachings that all pain is forgotten and the trouble and stress that was waiting becomes only the sweat and toil of hard work waiting to release its reward.

I don't know when I'd started having this view on the bad things that happen to me. It seems like there have been many not-very-nice things happening to me, yet everything that has happened feels purposeful, almost as though (but I won't go so far to say it) that there was a hidden hand at work instructing me on what to do. That small voice has come back, and come back with a vengeance it has.

Last night I mused over the many things that had happened to me, teaching and talking to myself over so many words, vocalizing the realisations that was happening inside my head. They are things that I'd like to share, that encapsulate the magic existent in people, waiting to be discovered. By no means am I feeling that I am in love with the world (though sometimes I am) and yet at the same time, the world feels like an old friend - one at which I am sometimes annoyed by its habits, but yet like to feel strangely familiar with.

Key Lessons:

1. Fear is a paralysing, destructive force. In the first book of Conversations with God, God tells Man that the only thing that is "bad" is Fear and Guilt. Both forces are the destructive forces of the world, that tears apart positive things, leading to a trail and vicious cycle of negativity, of sin. I used to think this was a metaphysical "The Force" type of BS, the "Fear leads to Anger... Anger leads to Hate... Hate leads to Suffering" type of phrase, but over recent months I've realised both the liberating feeling of no longer being afraid, and also the paralysing negation of Self that Fear leads towards. Paralysis of Analysis stems from the paralysis of Fear. It is the silent killer that traps one's thought in the confines of a small-minded box.
2. The people you love to hate are most likely the best people to learn from. OK, this has to be taken with a pinch of salt. There are some people that everyone loves to hate, with whom it can be extremely difficult, if not impossible to find something to learn from. However, I believe that people come together (or come into conflict) because of fundamental opposites in their personalities which should be the very reason why they come together in conflict at each other's blind spots. In short, I'd like to believe that conflict is born out of two blind spots colliding, leading to an inability to see each other's point of view. I start to ask myself, is there something here that I cannot see? With each scolding, with each chide, each conflict and argument, I learn something new about the way I see things and realise that the other party is not "wrong", my viewpoint was narrow. And with that mindset I've practically forced upon myself, my questions start taking humility and grace, and the lessons I learn from asking humble questions become even more valuable than ever. "Am I doing something wrong?" becomes less confrontational when asked with a measure of sincerity.
3. Nobody can make you afraid except yourself. You choose when to fear and when not to fear. Ironically, the power of Fear stems from within. Nobody can make you afraid except yourself. That realisation alone is probably the most liberating thought anyone can think of when it comes to Fear. You choose Fear. Sometimes it's good to feel Fear, like it is good to feel pain. It is a measure of when something is going wrong, either internally or externally, when you should be cautious and worried, and take precautions to protect or defend yourself. If in those circumstances you feel Fear, Fear is the whip behind the back of a horse in danger. But sometimes, we fear for fear itself. And we always have the choice of when.

I'm penning this down for future memory. I'm pretty sure I'm going to come back one day (probably soon) and look at this and say, "Good god, that's the most cheesy piece of dilectic anyone can ever give." But until then, I'm penning this down here because I know there's also the possibility that I'll come back, look at it, give it a read and think, "Good god, I needed that."