So I was sick of working one day, and still in need of a challenge to the brain, so I decided to take the world greatest fantastical puzzle of all - translating a song in a language that I hardly know. The song that I've chosen to maul this time is one that I rather know - Signal by Hirai Ken - and with a bit of help in romanji by cori, armed with Japanese text input courtesy of Windows XP, and plugging a lot of babelfish into my ear, I attempted to guesswork through the song.
Incidentally, before I start, I wanted to thank AltaVista for coming up with that lovely hike off the Hitchhiker's Guide. It's saved my butt a couple of times in translating a price quote in Korean (I know zilch Korean), expressed Laura Pausini's Italian lyrics in a way I couldn't have ever fathomed, and from a lot of embarassment on IM when I came across a French word I wasn't too familiar with.
So here goes... (my best guess at what dear Ken was trying to sing) Yuta, Yuteki, Katsu, Miyu, Akiko... anyone, if you are reading this, please don't laugh at my translation. Rather, send me your interpretation (with understanding!) instead!! Oh, and if I am pretty close (at least if I didn't get anything laughably wrong, please let me know too!)
Signal - Hirai Ken
ぎこちない指先で
君わ煙草お口にして
くすぶった気持ちを
無理に吸い込んでわ
溜め息まじりに吐き出す
With clumsy fingertips
Remembering your tobacco,
I suck in the feeling that smoulders unreasonably
And breathe it out with a sigh
言葉にすればすべてが
二度と戻らないきがして
黙り込んだ僕に
君わ呪文の様に
ごめん絵と繰り返すだけ
If only I could express everything,
And go back to doing what I know we cannot return to (?)
I would clam up, like your spell
It would just be the scene that plays itself back.
One More Time 抱きしめて
One More Chance そばにいて
One More Smile 微笑みで僕を満たして
One More Time 火を点けて
One More Chance もう一度
One More Kiss くちびるを重ねて
One More Time, holding you close
One More Chance, being inside
One More Smile, fill me up with your smile
One More Time, with your spark
One More Chance, once more
One More Kiss, pressing against your lips
求めれば求めるほど
愛わ遠のいてくもの
綺麗な横顔が
思い出ひきがねに
涙で歪むその前に
If I seek, I can measure
The extent to how far I go to find Love
It is a clean slate, don't you think?
Until memory pulls it and it is blurred with my tears.
One More Time 僕を見て
One More Chance ここにいて
One More Smile あの頃の二人を返しいて
One More Time 火を点けて
One More Chance もう一度
One More Kiss くちびるを濡らして
One More Time, look at me
One More Chance, being here
One More Smile, returning to the couple that we were
One More Time, with your spark
One More Chance, once more
One More Kiss, soaking up your lips
さよならのにおいだけを
残して立ち会った背中が
見えなくなる前に早く
今追いかけて
この手を伸ばして...
Goodbye, your scent is left
Before your back which is now here disappears fast
I'm now chasing you, to extend my hand...
(This is actually really in English)
One More Time
Baby I don't wanna let you go
One More Chance
It's only you, will always be with me
I could never say goodbye to the days we spent
Oh baby stay with me
One more time, time, time we spent
One more chance, chance, chance with me
One more kiss, kiss, kiss I want
Oh let me look at you...
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Sunday, August 28, 2005
孤单北半球 The Lonely Northern Hemisphere
This song's been a pop favourite in the scene for a while now. I first came across how cute the lyrics were when at a karaoke session with the team. So I've decided to translate it for future use (when I'm one day once more talking to friends in Australia or Brazil...)
Miraculously, I managed to translate this song without external help.
欧得洋 - 孤单北半球
用我的晚安陪你吃早餐 My "goodnight"s accompany your breakfast
记得把想念存进扑满 Remembering to save my fond sentiments into a piggy bank
我望着满天星在闪听牛郎对织女说要勇敢 I look at the night sky and remember the cowherd telling the weaver maid to be brave
别怕我们在地球的两端 Don't worry that we are at the two ends of the earth
看我的问候骑着魔毯 Look at my greetings riding a magic blanket
飞用光速飞到你面前 Flying at the speed of light to be in front of you
要你能看到十字星有北极星作伴 So that you can see the Southern Cross accompanied by the Northern star
少了我的手臂当枕头你习不习惯 Are you used to my shoulder not being your pillow?
你的望远望不到我北半球的孤单 Your far sight cannot spy upon the loneliness of my northern hemisphere
太平洋的潮水跟着地球来回旋转 The waves of the Pacific Ocean moves with the earth's rotation
我会耐心地等随时欢迎你靠岸 I will be patient, ready to welcome you to my shores
少了我的怀抱当暖炉你习不习惯 Are you used to being without my hugs?
e给你照片看不到我北半球的孤单 Though email photos cannot show you my loneliness in the northern hemisphere
世界再大两颗真心就能互相取暖 No matter how big the world is, two dedicated hearts will share our warmth
想念不会偷懒我的梦通通给你保管 My sentiments are never lazy, all my dreams are sent to you for safekeeping.
Miraculously, I managed to translate this song without external help.
欧得洋 - 孤单北半球
用我的晚安陪你吃早餐 My "goodnight"s accompany your breakfast
记得把想念存进扑满 Remembering to save my fond sentiments into a piggy bank
我望着满天星在闪听牛郎对织女说要勇敢 I look at the night sky and remember the cowherd telling the weaver maid to be brave
别怕我们在地球的两端 Don't worry that we are at the two ends of the earth
看我的问候骑着魔毯 Look at my greetings riding a magic blanket
飞用光速飞到你面前 Flying at the speed of light to be in front of you
要你能看到十字星有北极星作伴 So that you can see the Southern Cross accompanied by the Northern star
少了我的手臂当枕头你习不习惯 Are you used to my shoulder not being your pillow?
你的望远望不到我北半球的孤单 Your far sight cannot spy upon the loneliness of my northern hemisphere
太平洋的潮水跟着地球来回旋转 The waves of the Pacific Ocean moves with the earth's rotation
我会耐心地等随时欢迎你靠岸 I will be patient, ready to welcome you to my shores
少了我的怀抱当暖炉你习不习惯 Are you used to being without my hugs?
e给你照片看不到我北半球的孤单 Though email photos cannot show you my loneliness in the northern hemisphere
世界再大两颗真心就能互相取暖 No matter how big the world is, two dedicated hearts will share our warmth
想念不会偷懒我的梦通通给你保管 My sentiments are never lazy, all my dreams are sent to you for safekeeping.
Morse: Draft Une
Another song I just came up with this morning. This is rather out of character for me (songs, not poetry) but at the same time, I keep wondering if this was not previously aching to come out.
Morse
Conversation ebbs in my ear
I listen in to your occasional silence, while
The coffeepot drips in the kitchen.
Hungry for that last morsel of your revelation.
Do you know that you smile when you falter?
Do you think that as you drift away your silence lingers...
We are speaking in a morsel of a morse code
The starts and stops, the drips and drabs
I await the things you don't say
Say
Say it to me, now.
Say
Say it to me, now.
As your hand brushes my shoulder
I think back to the times that we spent in the sun.
You wait for me to finish your sentence.
I lean back and my world is filled with your fragrance.
You say much more when you're not speaking
You hear much more when you are expressing who you are...
We are speaking in a morsel of a morse code
The starts and stops, the drips and drabs
I await the things you don't say
Say
Say it to me, now.
Say
Say it to me, now.
*bridge*
When you say it to me now.
Morse
Conversation ebbs in my ear
I listen in to your occasional silence, while
The coffeepot drips in the kitchen.
Hungry for that last morsel of your revelation.
Do you know that you smile when you falter?
Do you think that as you drift away your silence lingers...
We are speaking in a morsel of a morse code
The starts and stops, the drips and drabs
I await the things you don't say
Say
Say it to me, now.
Say
Say it to me, now.
As your hand brushes my shoulder
I think back to the times that we spent in the sun.
You wait for me to finish your sentence.
I lean back and my world is filled with your fragrance.
You say much more when you're not speaking
You hear much more when you are expressing who you are...
We are speaking in a morsel of a morse code
The starts and stops, the drips and drabs
I await the things you don't say
Say
Say it to me, now.
Say
Say it to me, now.
*bridge*
When you say it to me now.
Where am I exactly?
Was talking about drinking buddies with a friend last Friday evening over a round of drinks and the question popped up that she asked me, "So, who are your friends?" It's an OK enough question, except that looking back, I didn't think I had a good answer for her. Or at least one that was good enough for myself anyway.
The sad truth is that, probably as a result of the past 5-6 odd years, I have been hanging out in ever-changing circles, most of which have very little connection with each other. People whom I consider friends end up being the rare few persistent people that I manage to keep in contact with, and whom I have been persistent enough to attempt to establish and re-establish contact with every time I find myself in the same place that they are. But I have found few friends who are able to relate to the whole gamut of places and people that is the mess I call my life.
She summarized this (as now I know she is won't to do) very succinctly and matter-of-factly, as "you mean all your friends are all in different countries?"
Well... yes, and no. Physically, they are all travelling to different places. But intellectually, there will not be anyone else but me who have travelled to all the exact same places that I have been to, and shared smiles with all the exact same people that I have met. There will not be a single person except myself who would have mirrored those exact same steps that I have taken, and similarly, I have not been able to be a friend to anyone by growing up with them, watching them through all the steps they have taken in their lives, and being with them in the same place at the same time all the way. In that moment I realised that, looking back at my life, my relationships (and not just friendships) have been a sequence of long, and long-distance relationships.
The people that I have come to become close to are not exactly always the people I have come to promise to stay friends with. In "The Sunscreen Song", there is a line that goes, "Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young." Good advice in time and place.
Is this a choice that I have just come to make inadvertently? Perhaps. I do know however that there is no going back when it comes to this life decision.
So where am I exactly? When I think about where I most call 'home', ironically it would be a 43% chance that I would call it the place that I am in currently. Most possibly I would miss the bicycle rides to the Museum of Modern Art, tram rides from Queen Vic market with a bunch of bananas and a backpack of groceries for the week. I would miss lounging in the sun with a latte in one hand, book in the other, leaning against the shoulder of a someone-who-was-never-there. I would miss the gentle cold in the winters, clubbing at Salt until 4am in the morning, walks along the Yarra river, the nostalgia of finding a childhood candy at the Chinese provision shop. Would I ever be able to call that home? Maybe. With 47% certainty. But would that missing 10% made up of the many other places still bug me when I wake up in the middle of the night? Yes. Oh, hell, Yes.
The sad truth is that, probably as a result of the past 5-6 odd years, I have been hanging out in ever-changing circles, most of which have very little connection with each other. People whom I consider friends end up being the rare few persistent people that I manage to keep in contact with, and whom I have been persistent enough to attempt to establish and re-establish contact with every time I find myself in the same place that they are. But I have found few friends who are able to relate to the whole gamut of places and people that is the mess I call my life.
She summarized this (as now I know she is won't to do) very succinctly and matter-of-factly, as "you mean all your friends are all in different countries?"
Well... yes, and no. Physically, they are all travelling to different places. But intellectually, there will not be anyone else but me who have travelled to all the exact same places that I have been to, and shared smiles with all the exact same people that I have met. There will not be a single person except myself who would have mirrored those exact same steps that I have taken, and similarly, I have not been able to be a friend to anyone by growing up with them, watching them through all the steps they have taken in their lives, and being with them in the same place at the same time all the way. In that moment I realised that, looking back at my life, my relationships (and not just friendships) have been a sequence of long, and long-distance relationships.
The people that I have come to become close to are not exactly always the people I have come to promise to stay friends with. In "The Sunscreen Song", there is a line that goes, "Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young." Good advice in time and place.
Is this a choice that I have just come to make inadvertently? Perhaps. I do know however that there is no going back when it comes to this life decision.
So where am I exactly? When I think about where I most call 'home', ironically it would be a 43% chance that I would call it the place that I am in currently. Most possibly I would miss the bicycle rides to the Museum of Modern Art, tram rides from Queen Vic market with a bunch of bananas and a backpack of groceries for the week. I would miss lounging in the sun with a latte in one hand, book in the other, leaning against the shoulder of a someone-who-was-never-there. I would miss the gentle cold in the winters, clubbing at Salt until 4am in the morning, walks along the Yarra river, the nostalgia of finding a childhood candy at the Chinese provision shop. Would I ever be able to call that home? Maybe. With 47% certainty. But would that missing 10% made up of the many other places still bug me when I wake up in the middle of the night? Yes. Oh, hell, Yes.
Saturday, August 27, 2005
思いがかさなるその前に... translated
I know enuwy would love this song! And I guess this reminds me of something in my past, as it's meant to be. I think at some point, I was so fortunate to have found a friend who sat next to me on the lawn and shared this moment with me. We looked ahead into the future, mindful of the God of Fortune with his hair only in front, never realizing that we were on the brink of Change until we were over the edge...
Before the Sentiments (Thoughts, Memories) Pile Up...
Hey, I wonder if you're next to me thinking about that type of thing
Grab hold of my hand tightly before those thoughts build up
Even if there's sad rain in the blue sky
That is reflected in your eyes
In times like that, I just remember
That today we laughed
When I look at you with your shoulders slumped
The one who is taken away is me
Sometimes I just don't understand
But I'm saved
You can grasp a rainbow in the palm of your hand
Let's go and search for
La, la, la, your song
Hey, I wonder if some day you will forget all about me?
When that happens, I wonder if I'll be able to really smile as I wave my hand to you?
Hey, I wonder if you're next to me thinking about that type of thing
Grab hold of my hand tightly before those thoughts build up
No matter who I'm with, I'm completely alone
Sometimes I bite my lip
I come back to this place again
Let's look up to the same sky, without saying anything
Tears and wounds become my treasures
I'll go and sing
La, la, la a song only to you
Hey, I wonder if some day you will forget all about your dreams?
When that happens, I wonder if we'll be able to face one another without averting our eyes?
Hey, I wonder what I can do for you like this?
They're just thoughts that aren't put into words, grab hold of my hand tightly
Grab hold of my hand tightly
思いがかさなるその前に...
ねぇ そんな事を隣でキミも思ったりするのかな
思いが重なるその前に強く手を握ろう
君の目に映る青空が
悲しみの雨に滲んでも
そんな時は思い出して
笑い合えた今日の日を
肩を落とす君を見る度に
連れ出すのは僕の方なのに
時々わからなくなるよ
僕が救われてるんだ
その掌は虹も掴めるさ
キミだけの歌を
ラララ探しに行こう
ねぇ いつかキミは僕のことを忘れてしまうのかな
その時はキミに手を振ってちゃんと笑ってられるかな
ねぇ そんな事を隣でキミも思ったりするのかな
思いが重なるその前に強く手を握ろう
誰といても一人ぼっち
唇噛み締める時には
またここにきて同じ空を
何も言わずに見上げよう
涙も傷も宝物になる
キミだけに歌を
ラララ歌って行こう
ねぇ いつかキミは君の夢を忘れてしまうのかな
その時は瞳逸らさずにキミと向き合えるのかな
ねぇ こんな僕はキミの為に何ができるのかな
言葉にならない思いだけ強く手を握ろう
強く手を握ろう
Before the Sentiments (Thoughts, Memories) Pile Up...
Hey, I wonder if you're next to me thinking about that type of thing
Grab hold of my hand tightly before those thoughts build up
Even if there's sad rain in the blue sky
That is reflected in your eyes
In times like that, I just remember
That today we laughed
When I look at you with your shoulders slumped
The one who is taken away is me
Sometimes I just don't understand
But I'm saved
You can grasp a rainbow in the palm of your hand
Let's go and search for
La, la, la, your song
Hey, I wonder if some day you will forget all about me?
When that happens, I wonder if I'll be able to really smile as I wave my hand to you?
Hey, I wonder if you're next to me thinking about that type of thing
Grab hold of my hand tightly before those thoughts build up
No matter who I'm with, I'm completely alone
Sometimes I bite my lip
I come back to this place again
Let's look up to the same sky, without saying anything
Tears and wounds become my treasures
I'll go and sing
La, la, la a song only to you
Hey, I wonder if some day you will forget all about your dreams?
When that happens, I wonder if we'll be able to face one another without averting our eyes?
Hey, I wonder what I can do for you like this?
They're just thoughts that aren't put into words, grab hold of my hand tightly
Grab hold of my hand tightly
思いがかさなるその前に...
ねぇ そんな事を隣でキミも思ったりするのかな
思いが重なるその前に強く手を握ろう
君の目に映る青空が
悲しみの雨に滲んでも
そんな時は思い出して
笑い合えた今日の日を
肩を落とす君を見る度に
連れ出すのは僕の方なのに
時々わからなくなるよ
僕が救われてるんだ
その掌は虹も掴めるさ
キミだけの歌を
ラララ探しに行こう
ねぇ いつかキミは僕のことを忘れてしまうのかな
その時はキミに手を振ってちゃんと笑ってられるかな
ねぇ そんな事を隣でキミも思ったりするのかな
思いが重なるその前に強く手を握ろう
誰といても一人ぼっち
唇噛み締める時には
またここにきて同じ空を
何も言わずに見上げよう
涙も傷も宝物になる
キミだけに歌を
ラララ歌って行こう
ねぇ いつかキミは君の夢を忘れてしまうのかな
その時は瞳逸らさずにキミと向き合えるのかな
ねぇ こんな僕はキミの為に何ができるのかな
言葉にならない思いだけ強く手を握ろう
強く手を握ろう
瞳をとじて Translated
友文 will probably appreciate this, although I haven't passed her the album yet. I found 瞳をとじて (read: Hitomi wo Tojite) Close Your Eyes translated on the net by the kind soul linked here. Obviously my Japanese isn't good enough to start with translations, but with the Net and enough Babelfish, you get by. This song is everything a sweet Japanese song should be.
Close Your Eyes
When I wake up in the morning, your cast-off skin is beside me
I felt your warmth, but my back is always cold
Letting go of my bitter smile, I'll open the heavy curtains
The morning sun is too bright, you followed it with me every day
That day you showed me your tear-stained face
The setting sun shined on your tears and the warmth of your shoulder
When I want them to disappear
My heart and body remember you
Your love forever
Closing my eyes, I draw you to myself, and that's all
Even if the seasons leave my heart behind
Will I grow to feel nothing for you someday, I wonder?
Embracing the pain now, I wonder if it's alright that I haven't slept?
The starry sky that we saw that night I wish on it, even though the light that we both searched for
Twinkled out
My heart and body shine in you
I wish forever
Closing my eyes, I draw you to myself, that's all I can do
Even if the world leaves me behind and passes me by
Your love forever
Closing my eyes, I draw you to myself, and that's all
Even if the seasons leave me behind with their changed colors
I search for you in my memories, and that's all
Because you gave me the strength to get past the things that I've lost
Because you gave it to me
瞳をとじて
朝目覚める度に 君の抜け殻が横にいる
ぬくもりを感じた いつもの背中が冷たい
苦笑いをやめて 重いカーテンを開けよう
眩しすぎる朝日 僕と毎日の追いかけっこだ
あの日 見せた泣き顔
涙照らす夕陽 肩のぬくもり
消し去ろうと願う度に
心が 体が 君を覚えている
Your love forever
瞳を閉じて 君を描くよ それだけでいい
たとえ季節が 僕の心を 置き去りにしても
いつかは君のこと なにも感じなくなるのかな
今の痛み抱いて 眠る方がまだ いいかな
あの日 見てた星空
願いかけて 二人探した光は
瞬く間に消えてくのに
心は 体は 君で輝いてる
I wish forever
瞳をとじて 君を描くよ それしか出来ない
たとえ世界が 僕を残して 過ぎ去ろうとしても
Your love forever
瞳をとじて 君を描くよ それだけでいい
たとえ季節が 僕を残して 色を変えようとも
記憶の中に君を探すよ それだけでいい
なくしたものを 越える強さを 君がくれたから
君がくれたから
Close Your Eyes
When I wake up in the morning, your cast-off skin is beside me
I felt your warmth, but my back is always cold
Letting go of my bitter smile, I'll open the heavy curtains
The morning sun is too bright, you followed it with me every day
That day you showed me your tear-stained face
The setting sun shined on your tears and the warmth of your shoulder
When I want them to disappear
My heart and body remember you
Your love forever
Closing my eyes, I draw you to myself, and that's all
Even if the seasons leave my heart behind
Will I grow to feel nothing for you someday, I wonder?
Embracing the pain now, I wonder if it's alright that I haven't slept?
The starry sky that we saw that night I wish on it, even though the light that we both searched for
Twinkled out
My heart and body shine in you
I wish forever
Closing my eyes, I draw you to myself, that's all I can do
Even if the world leaves me behind and passes me by
Your love forever
Closing my eyes, I draw you to myself, and that's all
Even if the seasons leave me behind with their changed colors
I search for you in my memories, and that's all
Because you gave me the strength to get past the things that I've lost
Because you gave it to me
瞳をとじて
朝目覚める度に 君の抜け殻が横にいる
ぬくもりを感じた いつもの背中が冷たい
苦笑いをやめて 重いカーテンを開けよう
眩しすぎる朝日 僕と毎日の追いかけっこだ
あの日 見せた泣き顔
涙照らす夕陽 肩のぬくもり
消し去ろうと願う度に
心が 体が 君を覚えている
Your love forever
瞳を閉じて 君を描くよ それだけでいい
たとえ季節が 僕の心を 置き去りにしても
いつかは君のこと なにも感じなくなるのかな
今の痛み抱いて 眠る方がまだ いいかな
あの日 見てた星空
願いかけて 二人探した光は
瞬く間に消えてくのに
心は 体は 君で輝いてる
I wish forever
瞳をとじて 君を描くよ それしか出来ない
たとえ世界が 僕を残して 過ぎ去ろうとしても
Your love forever
瞳をとじて 君を描くよ それだけでいい
たとえ季節が 僕を残して 色を変えようとも
記憶の中に君を探すよ それだけでいい
なくしたものを 越える強さを 君がくれたから
君がくれたから
The now new sound "One More Time..."
Recently been listening a lot to Signal, the pop/house new sound in (Hirai Ken) 平井堅's new album, Sentimental Lovers. I like how he's progressing. Although I've had the album for quite a while, it's always refreshing to hear it again and discover a new song to like, since it's a different sound and a different vibe each time I hear it.
I used to be so in love with 思いがかさなるその前に... (Before the Sentiments Pile Up) read: omoi ga kasanaru sono mae ni and now it's Signal. I'm still trying to find the lyrics. From the little I can hear, it's about a guy asking a girl for a sign if it's all over, or if they can have one more try. (I may be totally off on this one...)
Overall it's been such a sentimental album, piled high with emotive lyrics and melody. Not only, two dance tracks that are pop/house mixes stand out and are grooovy: Track 2 - Jealousy, Track 4 - 君が僕に憑依した!! (You Possessed Me!!) and Track 8 - Signal. Essentially, this is an album that you can groove to and keep upbeat, while bouncing through the tedium of the day.
Overall Rating: Major はい!! But then again, I think you know that already!
I used to be so in love with 思いがかさなるその前に... (Before the Sentiments Pile Up) read: omoi ga kasanaru sono mae ni and now it's Signal. I'm still trying to find the lyrics. From the little I can hear, it's about a guy asking a girl for a sign if it's all over, or if they can have one more try. (I may be totally off on this one...)
Overall it's been such a sentimental album, piled high with emotive lyrics and melody. Not only, two dance tracks that are pop/house mixes stand out and are grooovy: Track 2 - Jealousy, Track 4 - 君が僕に憑依した!! (You Possessed Me!!) and Track 8 - Signal. Essentially, this is an album that you can groove to and keep upbeat, while bouncing through the tedium of the day.
Overall Rating: Major はい!! But then again, I think you know that already!
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
Hanging by Moments
Went by the blog of an old friend today. I haven't seen her for ages, since I'd graduated, perhaps even before. We were one of those supposed-to-meet, supposed-to-happen, supposed-to-pass-things-to, which just never happened.
I'm amazed that she's still there. In a different form, more musing, more thoughtful, sadder, sometimes gladder, always as usual living her life on the edge like I admire her for. Her blog's title's changed, but I'm impressed that she's still there. In a world where people have come and gone, in a world where I had never expected her to stay, in a world filled with vignettes and vagaries, transient dreams and uncertainties, she is still there.
As is my part to be the silent waiter that does not speak, I cherish her thoughts:
the worst state of mind one can be in
is simply withholding the memory of the future
She's always been artistic, although in a way that I usually only half related to. The thought I had was that she had thoughts that were, at a glance, both deep and cliche at the same time. I had initially imagined that she said words that meant common truths in different ways.
But when I saw the phrase I was struck. Two simultaneous thoughts crossing my mind: the first, how far have I gone into the shallow that I no longer understand the words of friends? the second, what on earth does she mean?
In the vague recollections of my past, I understand only one thing. To remember the future... is to Hope.
I'm amazed that she's still there. In a different form, more musing, more thoughtful, sadder, sometimes gladder, always as usual living her life on the edge like I admire her for. Her blog's title's changed, but I'm impressed that she's still there. In a world where people have come and gone, in a world where I had never expected her to stay, in a world filled with vignettes and vagaries, transient dreams and uncertainties, she is still there.
As is my part to be the silent waiter that does not speak, I cherish her thoughts:
the worst state of mind one can be in
is simply withholding the memory of the future
She's always been artistic, although in a way that I usually only half related to. The thought I had was that she had thoughts that were, at a glance, both deep and cliche at the same time. I had initially imagined that she said words that meant common truths in different ways.
But when I saw the phrase I was struck. Two simultaneous thoughts crossing my mind: the first, how far have I gone into the shallow that I no longer understand the words of friends? the second, what on earth does she mean?
In the vague recollections of my past, I understand only one thing. To remember the future... is to Hope.
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Is addiction to pain a product of positivity?
I wish I had people to have such conversations with. I'm not even sure if I'm being (choose one) positive-thinking/fatalistic/optimistic/pessimistic/none of the above, but I realise that amidst all the bad (not exactly horrible) things that happen to me, I feel the pain of things happening to me because they are lessons to learn from. In each of them it seems like there is a latent realisation hidden within, an epiphany that is waiting to be discovered, a breakthrough so amazing in its teachings that all pain is forgotten and the trouble and stress that was waiting becomes only the sweat and toil of hard work waiting to release its reward.
I don't know when I'd started having this view on the bad things that happen to me. It seems like there have been many not-very-nice things happening to me, yet everything that has happened feels purposeful, almost as though (but I won't go so far to say it) that there was a hidden hand at work instructing me on what to do. That small voice has come back, and come back with a vengeance it has.
Last night I mused over the many things that had happened to me, teaching and talking to myself over so many words, vocalizing the realisations that was happening inside my head. They are things that I'd like to share, that encapsulate the magic existent in people, waiting to be discovered. By no means am I feeling that I am in love with the world (though sometimes I am) and yet at the same time, the world feels like an old friend - one at which I am sometimes annoyed by its habits, but yet like to feel strangely familiar with.
Key Lessons:
I don't know when I'd started having this view on the bad things that happen to me. It seems like there have been many not-very-nice things happening to me, yet everything that has happened feels purposeful, almost as though (but I won't go so far to say it) that there was a hidden hand at work instructing me on what to do. That small voice has come back, and come back with a vengeance it has.
Last night I mused over the many things that had happened to me, teaching and talking to myself over so many words, vocalizing the realisations that was happening inside my head. They are things that I'd like to share, that encapsulate the magic existent in people, waiting to be discovered. By no means am I feeling that I am in love with the world (though sometimes I am) and yet at the same time, the world feels like an old friend - one at which I am sometimes annoyed by its habits, but yet like to feel strangely familiar with.
Key Lessons:
- Fear is a paralysing, destructive force. In the first book of Conversations with God, God tells Man that the only thing that is "bad" is Fear and Guilt. Both forces are the destructive forces of the world, that tears apart positive things, leading to a trail and vicious cycle of negativity, of sin. I used to think this was a metaphysical "The Force" type of BS, the "Fear leads to Anger... Anger leads to Hate... Hate leads to Suffering" type of phrase, but over recent months I've realised both the liberating feeling of no longer being afraid, and also the paralysing negation of Self that Fear leads towards. Paralysis of Analysis stems from the paralysis of Fear. It is the silent killer that traps one's thought in the confines of a small-minded box.
- The people you love to hate are most likely the best people to learn from. OK, this has to be taken with a pinch of salt. There are some people that everyone loves to hate, with whom it can be extremely difficult, if not impossible to find something to learn from. However, I believe that people come together (or come into conflict) because of fundamental opposites in their personalities which should be the very reason why they come together in conflict at each other's blind spots. In short, I'd like to believe that conflict is born out of two blind spots colliding, leading to an inability to see each other's point of view. I start to ask myself, is there something here that I cannot see? With each scolding, with each chide, each conflict and argument, I learn something new about the way I see things and realise that the other party is not "wrong", my viewpoint was narrow. And with that mindset I've practically forced upon myself, my questions start taking humility and grace, and the lessons I learn from asking humble questions become even more valuable than ever. "Am I doing something wrong?" becomes less confrontational when asked with a measure of sincerity.
- Nobody can make you afraid except yourself. You choose when to fear and when not to fear. Ironically, the power of Fear stems from within. Nobody can make you afraid except yourself. That realisation alone is probably the most liberating thought anyone can think of when it comes to Fear. You choose Fear. Sometimes it's good to feel Fear, like it is good to feel pain. It is a measure of when something is going wrong, either internally or externally, when you should be cautious and worried, and take precautions to protect or defend yourself. If in those circumstances you feel Fear, Fear is the whip behind the back of a horse in danger. But sometimes, we fear for fear itself. And we always have the choice of when.
I'm penning this down for future memory. I'm pretty sure I'm going to come back one day (probably soon) and look at this and say, "Good god, that's the most cheesy piece of dilectic anyone can ever give." But until then, I'm penning this down here because I know there's also the possibility that I'll come back, look at it, give it a read and think, "Good god, I needed that."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)